My daughter has developed a habit of watching volleyball game film (Shout out to her coaches for regularly making her do this.) She has become quite obsessed with watching film in the last two years. Recently, she broke down a film of her play and said, ‘Ugh, I hate watching myself play. It’s so bad.’ Honestly, I agree with how watching film makes her feel. Occasionally, I record and listen to one of my talks, which is always unpleasant. ‘I hate how I said that’ or ‘Why anyone listens to this garbage is beyond me’ permeates my thoughts.
Watching film is just one example of the importance of receiving feedback. In my study of those exceptional at what they do, a consistent theme is their obsession with feedback. However, receiving feedback is like a booster shot. It is a painful pinch, followed by mild, unpleasant symptoms, leading to more excellent health. Proverbs, a book written to provide wisdom, often addresses feedback's importance. My favorite passage is the writer calling anyone who hates reproof ‘stupid’ (Proverbs 12:1). The Greek word is ‘ba’ar’, which means to be brutish, unintelligent like stubborn cattle.
So…
Whether you prefer the game film comparison, booster shot analogy, or simply want to avoid being called stupid, we all need to get better at receiving feedback.
Here are five ways to get better at receiving feedback so you can keep growing
Find it before it finds you. Feedback always finds you at the worst time and much later than it should. Ryan Hawk, the author of ‘The Pursuit of Excellence,’ says you should ask yourself, ‘When was the last time I was wrong?’ often. I think that’s great. Go find feedback. Often.
Don’t respond to feedback with an explanation. Explanations, at the moment, sound like excuses and reduce the chance that you will receive authentic feedback in the future. There is an exception. Replying with an explanation and another question. ‘Here’s why I did it this way…what do you think?’
Closely monitor your posture, facial expressions, and tone of voice when receiving feedback. Our body language is the most powerful tool in our social EQ toolbox. I once co-hosted a webinar with Alan Stein Jr., and his facial expressions blew me away. His eyes were wide open, posture perfect, and eyebrows up the entire time. I couldn’t help but think, ‘Sheesh, Alan is dialed in!’ Don’t let your body language interrupt the receipt of feedback. *I wrote a post about that experience and the power of our faces here.
If the feedback feels vague, ask clarifying questions such as, ‘Could you describe a time when you observed that?’ or ‘Do you have a specific example?’ As difficult as it is to receive feedback, delivering it can be just as challenging. Make the delivery easier by asking for specific examples. Helping someone deliver clear feedback only makes an area of growth more straightforward for you.
Be grateful for the feedback, literally. Say ‘thank you’ to anyone who cares enough about you to have the courage to provide you feedback. Proverbs 27:6 confirms the caring aspect of feedback when it tells us that the wounds of a friend are faithful. The delivery of feedback can have a trust-enhancing effect on both parties involved. Caring enough to share it is the first part, and being grateful that it was shared is the second part. Do your part and be grateful for the feedback.
Feedback is a little cringy for all of us, which is why so few choose to pursue it, and they do so at the cost of their own growth. Daniel Grothe, in 'Chasing Wisdom', notes that pain in life is inevitable. Either the pain of avoiding or the pain of embracing. 'We might as well choose to run into the pain and have something to show for it.' Be one of the few that run into the discomfort of feedback and have your own growth to show for it!
Keep on, keepin' on, friends!
Bite Down and Don’t Let Go is a collection of writings on relentlessly leading yourself and others well. Read about it more here.
Dr. Chris Hobbs is an educational leader with more than two decades of experience. He’s earned a few degrees and won some awards. He’s happily married to his high school sweetheart, and they have three teenage children. Life is messy and complicated most of the time. You can follow him on Twitter for inspirational thoughts and good laughs.
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