Old coaches are the best. I’ve spent my fair share of time around older coaches. *I think I might be turning into one* Their worn-out voices, ‘been there, done that’ wisdom, and steady presence amid chaos are just a few things that come to mind when I think of long-time coaches. You know what else comes to my mind? Their quotes. They have great quotes. After 20+ years of being involved in high school athletics, I think I’ve heard them all, and then a new one puts a grin on my face. That happened recently. When describing two low-skilled teams slugging it out in a battle of competitive ineptitude, an old coach said, ‘It was two socks in a dryer. A lot of violent, heated commotion, but not much being accomplished.’ Pure gold.
I’ve been thinking about ‘two socks in a dryer’ for a while now. Leading others is complex and even chaotic. As I continue to practice a wide variety of leadership (organizational, coaching, family), leaders sometimes get stuck in the ‘dryer.’ They are working feverishly while being tossed around in a lot of heated commotion, and very little is being accomplished. The chaos of emails, text messages, endless meetings, too many opinions, insufficient decisions, and many other factors can drag a leader out of problem-solving mode and into heated futility.
Leaders can pull themselves out of the dryer and back into a place of effectively leading others through chaos. Here are five ways to make that happen.
DO NOT DENY IT - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr believed that simple awareness is the solution to many problems. Leaders, from a place of pride, deny things that they believe will make them appear weak. It is one of the paradoxes of life and truisms of leadership that transparency about current realities and even weaknesses is a sign of strength. If you are stuck in the chaotic dryer of a struggle right now, don’t deny it.
DO NOT DIMINISH IT - Closely related to denying reality is underestimating it. It is common for leaders being tossed back and forth in futility to lower the urgency to do anything in the chaotic state of things by declaring it 'just a season.' I have known many leaders who have diminished the 'dryer' experience and look up to find themselves in the dryer for years at a time. Worse than all the lost time is the loss of the trust of the people who are supposed to be led.
DEVELOP SKILLS - Tom Henschel, the host of the Sound of Leadership podcast, dropped an excellent episode on how to 'Turn On Your Executive Thinking'. On it, he describes a leader's frustration with their leaders who won't lead. The good news is that the skills necessary to lead, to pull oneself out of the dryer, can be learned. Here's one: schedule time weekly to look 30-60 days out on your calendar and develop your 'to-do' list from that time. You'll have to develop new skills to work out of the dryer's futility and lead effectively.
DEEPEN PRACTICES - Jay Johnson, famed distance running coach, wrote a book about his key concept to develop as a runner. The title, Consistency is Key, has applications across all of life. My son, soon to be a college scholarship distance runner, receives compliments all of the time about how natural and effortless his running form is. It isn't natural. It has been developed through enormous effort, countless hours, and mind-numbing consistency. Once you've developed the skills to lead productively through chaos, you must refine them repeatedly through relentless practice. A master potter once commenting on his most recent masterpiece said, 'The was easy. It was the first 10,000 that was hard.'
DEMONSTRATE HOPE - If you don't know the story of Admiral Jim Stockdale, you need to Google his name and learn about him. He survived 90 months in a Vietnamese POW camp. When asked about those who survived, Admiral Stockdale said that the optimists never did. He said the optimists always thought they'd be out at a particular time. They were delusional and died of disappointment. However, the hopeful, those who never lost the belief that a better day would come and sought the good of others in the meantime, were the survivors. Demonstrate hope, leader, that you can and will use all of your challenging experiences for your growth and the good of those around you, too.
Keep on, keepin' on, friends!
Bite Down and Don’t Let Go is a collection of writings on relentlessly leading yourself and others well. Read about it more here.
Dr. Chris Hobbs is an educational leader with more than two decades of experience. He’s earned a few degrees and won some awards. He’s happily married to his high school sweetheart, and they have three teenage children. Life is messy and complicated most of the time. You can follow him on Twitter for inspirational thoughts and good laughs.
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