Do you know why boxers have to be in great physical condition? Because for three minutes at a time (the length of a boxing round), they have to demonstrate lightning quick reflexes by avoiding the attempts of the opponent to knock them out. Do you know what that requires? Continuous movement. Boxers have to 'bob and weave' continuously to avoid being knocked out. Regardless of how well conditioned a boxer is, they all get into the ring knowing that at some point they will get punched. It comes with the territory of being a boxer. Mike Tyson, a world champion boxer known for his ferocious knock outs, used to say that 'everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.'
There are some hurtful things about leading. It was once said that if everyone is happy with the leader, the leader might not be leading very well. If you are attempting to pull people together to move towards a specific objective and holding them accountable to do what they committed to do, there is going to be some conflict and hurt feelings. There is just no way to avoid the fact that at times, despite your sincere efforts to do what is best for the people you are leading, you will get punched in the face (only figuratively I hope!). It comes with the territory of being a leader. People will question your motives, doubt your sincerity, accuse your character, insult your intelligence, and even lie about you. All of these things will hurt, like a punch in the face. You need a plan for when you get 'punched in the face' as a leader so here are some suggestions on how to keep leading and fight through the hurtful things in leadership.
Do not 'fight fire with fire.' - Great leaders are honest, direct, and do not avoid confrontation. However, great leaders work hard to maintain a kind and gentle spirit in the midst of confrontation and facing hurtful things. They are like velvet-covered steel (I wrote about that here). Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. wisely told us that hate cannot eliminate hate. Only love can eliminate hate. If someone has lied about you, do not lie about them. If they are screaming obscenities at you, do not scream back. If they hit 'reply all' to take the hurt to a larger audience, do not reply all. As a leader, you may not be able to eliminate the hurtful things said or attitude of some people, but you need to be wise enough to apply the wisdom of Dr. King in your difficult interactions.
Consider that there may be some truth in what is said - The hurtful things of leadership will almost always involve what someone is saying about you or to you. There will be a rare occasion when what is said will be a complete lie. However, I would suggest that many of the hurtful things will have a small element of truth and truth can be used to learn and grow. An important part of 'bobbing and weaving' involves having the presence of mind, or taking the time to reflect on what truth is present in the hurtful thing that you could learn from. Maybe you could've communicated more often? Is it possible that you caused an offense with an insensitive remark? Should you sincerely apologize before progress can be made? Paul Mallard in, Staying Fresh, states that ‘grace grows best in the winter’. I'm willing to bet that there is a small element of truth in the hurt that you can leverage for great growth as a leader.
Know when to pause and for how long - Hurtful things have a way of sparking us to take action and that action will most likely not be thought through very well. When a hurtful email, social media post, or voice mail crashes into your world you should pause immediately. The pause could be for 24 hours. It could be for long enough to get some advice from trusted colleagues. The pause may involve letting a superior know what is taking place. The important thing is that there should be a pause. There is an old coaching quote that says, 'speaking to your team in anger is the surest way to make the greatest speech you will ever regret.' When you are bobbing and weaving the hurtful things in leadership make sure you pause. You will not regret that.
Huddle up with trusted truth-tellers - Many of the hurtful things you will face as a leader will come from people who do not know you and they may not be able to be trusted. The book of Proverbs in the Bible tells its readers that there is wisdom in many counselors. We all have family members and friends that are trusted truth tellers. They know us, they know our intentions, they know how hard we work. We know that they love us and we know that they would graciously tell us what part of the hurtful thing to take responsibility for and what part to 'bob and weave' around. When a team begins to lose control of the momentum of a game, a coach calls a timeout to huddle up with their team. It is part pause, part rally, and part truth telling. Leaders would be wise to huddle up with their trusted truth tellers and let them help you bob and weave.
Leader, you will get punched hard at times. It does not mean you are leading poorly. In fact, it might mean you are leading well. Keep bobbing and weaving; and keep on, keeping on!
*Bonus content: Here are some resources to dig deeper into this topic. ‘Leading with a Limp’ by Dan Allender, ‘Leadership Pain’ by Samuel Chand, ‘Didn’t See it Coming’ by Carey Niewhof, and ‘The Emotionally Healthy Leader’ by Peter Scazzero
‘Bite Down and Don’t Let Go’ is a collection of writings on being intentional about life in a way that produces great persistence. Read about it more here.
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