The University of Arizona lost in the Elite Eight to the University of Wisconsin in March of 2014. Arizona guard, TJ McConnell fouled out at the end of the game and as he came off the court he hugged his coaches, and emotionally lost it. In fact, he started crying before he even walked off the court. My heart broke for him and I was happy for him all at the same time...
My high school basketball career came to its end in a regional championship game in March of 1996. I cried. Hard. I cried, not because we lost, but because the journey was over. I loved basketball. I loved my teammates. I loved my coach. I cried almost every February / March as a player or coach because another journey came to its end. As a coach though, a curious thing happened at the end of many of the seasons, my players cried with me. I hope it's because I ran a program where they grew in their love of basketball, of their teammates, of their schools, and maybe even their coach. I hope it's because I gave my players permission to care about something so much, the only thing they can do it comes to an end is cry. I hope it meant that I led a great program for my players. I think it does mean that.
My high school basketball career came to its end in a regional championship game in March of 1996. I cried. Hard. I cried, not because we lost, but because the journey was over. I loved basketball. I loved my teammates. I loved my coach. I cried almost every February / March as a player or coach because another journey came to its end. As a coach though, a curious thing happened at the end of many of the seasons, my players cried with me. I hope it's because I ran a program where they grew in their love of basketball, of their teammates, of their schools, and maybe even their coach. I hope it's because I gave my players permission to care about something so much, the only thing they can do it comes to an end is cry. I hope it meant that I led a great program for my players. I think it does mean that.
Here is why crying is a great sign of a great program...
FREEDOM - Crying is a sign of vulnerability and we do not like being vulnerable. Alan Noble in his book, We Are Not Our Own, notes how rarely we are required to be vulnerable and how inhuman it is to be so guarded. We shy away from being vulnerable in so many ways, yet vulnerability comes with a lot of freedom. Ironically, to go 'all in' and to experience the freedom of vulnerability many of us need that a leader to grant us that freedom. Great coaches give athletes freedom to go so all in that it crushes us when it's over.
IT MATTERED - We all want to be involved in something that matters. We want that badly. Coaches that run great programs fill that void for their student-athletes. Why does a sport season matter so much? It is the commitment of a group to pursue a common goal in the face of regular opposition. When that commitment and that pursuit are authentic, it is magical. It matters. A lot. And when something that really matters comes to an end, it hurts.
IT WAS ABOUT SOMETHING BIGGER THAN US - Great coaches convince players to go all in for each other, for the team, for the community, for just about everything and everyone except for yourself. Ironically, the self does not get left out when the entire group commits to each other. Everyone has someone in it for them. It is amazing how much more invested, how much harder we work, and how much more we sacrifice when it is not about us. The title of Noble’s book, ‘We Are Not Our Own’ speaks to how flawed it is to live life for only ourselves. A life lived well, a season participated in well, will always be about something bigger than the individual. It is amazing how much it hurts when that fulfilling experience comes to an end.
The next time you see a kid hug his coach and cry when his season is over, don't feel bad for the kid. And for God's sake, don't play it off like sports don't matter that much. Be impressed by how much that kid and that coach care, because what you are seeing is the surest sign of a great program.
'There can be no great disappointment, where there is not great love.' - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
The next time you see a kid hug his coach and cry when his season is over, don't feel bad for the kid. And for God's sake, don't play it off like sports don't matter that much. Be impressed by how much that kid and that coach care, because what you are seeing is the surest sign of a great program.
'There can be no great disappointment, where there is not great love.' - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
*Bonus content: Here are some great resources if you’d like to dig deeper. ‘You Are Not Your Own’ by Alan Noble. ‘What a Good Coach Does’ by David Duchovny Wall Street Journal September 2011
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