My firstborn child got engaged over the break. Despite dreading this event since she was born, the entire experience was great. From the moment he asked me permission around Thanksgiving to seeing how much joy there was in the family and friends as we celebrated the engagement together, on New Year's it was perfect.
But it was also disgusting.
After all of the celebrating ended, we returned to my daughter’s apartment to find that her puppy had become horrifically sick all over, under, in, and outside of his kennel cage. The smell was overwhelming, the dog filthy, the bed padding ruined. After the longest and most emotional day of my daughter’s life, she came home to a disgusting scene. It was overwhelming, and there stood three very intense people (my wife, daughter, and I are all firstborns) and one very disgusting puppy. Through God’s grace and some intense focus, we survived - dare I say - thrived in that chaotic scene.
Life is like that a lot. The joyous moments vanish in disgusting scenes faster than you can say ‘puppy.’ Just wait - it’ll happen to you sooner rather than later. The key is not to let those mini and major catastrophes control you. If you do, they will define you. These catastrophes cannot be avoided but managed so they don’t ruin everything. So, here are four things we did to keep the evening from becoming an irretrievable nightmare.
We did not let our emotions take control - My wife and I are New Jersey natives, and our native tongue is yelling. My daughter is a prototype firstborn. It could’ve easily turned into a verbal grenade-tossing contest. We wanted to. I could feel it in my gut and see it in their eyes. But we didn’t. Your emotions are great cheerleaders, but they are terrible leaders.
We divided and conquered the catastrophe - How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. My wife immediately began puppy cleaning duty. My daughter grabbed the mop, and I took the kennel. Winning *or surviving* is reserved for those who take action. When a disgusting event hits your team, jump in.
We assisted before assistance was requested - I was fussing like crazy, trying to take a disgusting cover off the cage. My daughter saw my struggle and took over to untie the knots. My wife took an unhappy puppy to the bathtub. So I jumped in and bear-hugged the puppy so we could keep him still and get him clean. My wife scoured the apartment, grabbing every dirty towel and rag and getting them to the washing machine almost before they hit the ground. Teamwork is helping a teammate out, but chemistry is helping out before they even ask.
We sat down together afterward - It was a frustrating experience, but something happened when it was all done, and we sat down together. An authentic conversation unfolded about the irony of the situation and, ultimately, about how great a night it was. When chaos recedes, make the time to sit down with your people.
Friends, my family is as flawed as any. Maybe it’s because the dad hasn’t grown up enough yet. But we got this disgusting catastrophe right. Be sure, a disgusting event is coming your way soon enough. If you want to get it right, get it right together.
Keep on, keepin' on, friends!
Bite Down and Don’t Let Go is a collection of writings on relentlessly leading yourself and others well. Read about it more here. You can listen to the Bite Down and Don't Let Go podcast here!
Dr. Chris Hobbs is an educational leader with more than two decades of experience. He’s earned a few degrees and won some awards. He’s happily married to his high school sweetheart, and they have three children. Life is messy and complicated most of the time. You can follow him on Twitter for inspirational thoughts and good laughs.
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