I pray that we never have to endure a pandemic lock down again, but it appears to me many made the most of it and some small positives emerged. One of those positives is the valuable content that was produced and the connections that were made in the virtual world. During that time, I created a virtual webinar called Win the Wait. It was a 6-week virtual webinar featuring guests from all over the world of sport and leadership. My team and I were able to interview insightful and accomplished individuals on the topic of how to make use of the time when it feels like time has stalled out. One of our guests was Alan Stein Jr. If you don’t know who Alan is, you can learn about him here. Not only was I able to interview Alan, but I also joined him as a co-guest on another virtual webinar discussing leadership during crisis so I got to know Alan, virtually of course. He is always energetic and insightful, but as the content of what we discussed fades in my memory I will never forget his face. I don’t remember ever spending time with someone that kept his eyes open as wide, his eyebrows as high, or his smile as authentic as Alan did. Alan did an incredible job of listening and engaging the audience with his face! This was no easy task. One of the mentally exhausting things about virtual presentations is there is no visible audience to take cues from so using your face intentionally requires some serious self discipline.
According to Patrick Morley, best selling author of ‘Man in the Mirror’, President Abraham Lincoln once refused to hire an applicant because he didn’t like the man’s face. President Lincoln was confronted by a cabinet member on the seeming insignificance of such an observation. President Lincoln replied, ‘any many over forty is responsible for his own face.’ Before you get judgmental of the President how often have you been critical of someone because they appeared grumpy, disinterested, or too busy? How did you come to that conclusion? I bet the individual’s face had a lot to do with it.
The longer I’m in the leadership, the more value I find in the ‘below the surface’ skills of leading. The skills of listening, question asking, emotional control, use of personal time, and one’s face appear to me to have a larger impact on the ability to influence others (positive or negative) than we want to discuss. Since my experience with Alan, I have been more conscious of the impact of my face.
So, here are 5 suggestions on how to use your face better when leading, influencing, and relating to others.
EYEBROWS UP! - My father often reminded me as a teenager to be careful with my eyebrows. A furrowed brow, or eyebrows down sends a pretty strong message. The opposite is also true. Eyebrows up sends a message of interest, curiosity, and excitement that invites others into connection with you. Put your eyebrows up when interacting with others.
OPEN UP YOUR EYES TO OPEN UP YOUR EARS - This was the detail I remember most from Alan Stein Jr. His eyes were so wide open during our virtual conversations you could not help but notice. It sent a message Alan was taking in everything that was said, every question that was asked, and made you feel he wanted to hear before he spoke. I have practiced this and it has reduced the annoying trait we all have of spending half the time someone is talking formulating the response. This leads to a response that is only half as effective. Open your eyes wide to take in all that is being said and it is amazing how insightful your response might be. Or you might find out that no response is the best response. Eyes that are wide open, likely means your ears are wide open too.
EYE CONTACT - I have a confession to make. The moment someone is talking to me breaks eye contact, I immediately want to check my phone. However, once someone locks eyes with me, it is hard to think about much else. I want to encourage you to flip the script. Maintain eye contact to maintain focus on what is being said. I think you’ll be surprised how much you hear and how much respect is offered when it is your turn to speak. Eye contact is a form of being a great listener.
SMILE - I recently wrote a post how leaders need to embrace being the weather and shun being weathermen. As a leader, you control the weather. You are the weather. Smiling is the most sure reliable way to bring good weather. Smiling not only demonstrates to people that you are glad to see them, but it puts you in a good mood too. Smiling on purpose is a win-win for everyone you come in contact with.
HMMMM? - There will be some situations where a smile, and eyebrows up won’t send the right message. At times, smiling and acting like the world is ok and everything will work out crosses from positive into oblivious and inauthentic. There are times in leadership when you don’t have the answer. In those moments, say ‘hmmmm?’ ‘Hmmm’ and the facial expression that accompany it has a way of slowing things down when things are moving too fast. ‘Hmmmm’ is authentic when being authentic is more valuable than being positive. ‘Hmmmm’ is almost always followed by a question and questions are the only way to find the answer when you don’t have the answer. ‘Hmmmm’ demonstrates a humility that disarms, de-escalates, and draws people in to helping a leader find the answer. It’s ok. Use your face to lead in that moment. Scrunch your eyebrows, tilt your head to one side, wrinkle your chin, say ‘hmmmm’, and invite people to join you on the journey to learning and solutions.
I agree with President Lincoln. We should all take more responsibility for our face!
Keep on, keepin’ on, friends!
‘Bite Down and Don’t Let Go’ is a collection of writings on being intentional about life in a way that produces great persistence. Read about it more here.
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