A Fresh Understanding of LISTENING

Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan have a 'classic' (by classic, I mean, it's the only scene I remember from the movie and it makes me laugh every time) scene in the movie Rush Hour where Chris Tucker, a detective, is forced to partner with Jackie Chan, a detective from the Far East. At one point, Tucker, yells at the top of his lungs to his far eastern partner, 'DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUTA MY MOUTH!?' as if yelling and pointing at his own mouth will help him overcome the language barrier between the two. The irony is that Jackie Chan's character in the movie speaks English just fine and Chris Tucker's character is far more concerned with running at the mouth than listening to his Far Eastern partner. This hilarious scene highlights how challenging it can be to listen to one another.

If you are a leader your ability to listen to those around you might quietly be a skill that facilitates their willingness to follow you. Scott Eblin in his book, 'The Next Level' speaks briefly about listening that gave me a fresh understanding of the art of shutting up...

TRANSIENT LISTENING is the type of listening that happens when a person is speaking and the other person is not listening. Their mind is in a totally different place. A leader that gets caught transient listening should get definitely better at apologizing.

TRANSACTIONAL LISTENING takes place when there is listening happening along with formulating a response. In many instances, this is valuable especially when it comes from a desire to sincerely help the person solve a problem.

TRANSFORMATIONAL LISTENING yields the most relational benefit when authentic listening takes place with no agenda other than to hear the other person. The more a leader can engage in this type of listening the more the previous type of listening (transactional) has value. However, in the busyness of life, transformational listening can only take place when a leader spends an unusual amount of time with their people outside of the normal required interactions. It's hard to listen to people, I mean really listen, when there is no relationship in place.

THE SECOND QUESTION: I believe the transition between these different types of listening takes place when the listener asks the 'second question'. The first question is almost a robotic response that many of us have such as 'how are you doing?' or 'what can I do for you?'. But, if a listener asks a second question they've usually had to think intentionally. Michael Bungay Stanier, in his book The Coach Habit, presented the question 'And what else?' as a method for getting people to really open up. I also believe it's a great way for a listener to position themselves to listen on the transformational level. The next time you engage someone that you are responsible to lead in a conversation, try asking 'and what else' after they've answered your initial question. You'll stun them for a second, as obvious by their startled pause, but they'll proceed to really dig in and open up with you. This is where important listening can take place.

Of course, if you want to listen better but all of all of this is a little too much for you, you could just wait until people start screaming at you 'DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUTA MY MOUTH!?'

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‘Bite Down and Don’t Let Go’ is a collection of writings on being intentional about life in a way that produces great persistence. Read about it more here.

Dr. Chris Hobbs is an educational leader and Director of Athletics at The King’s Academy in West Palm Beach, Florida. He’s earned a few degrees and won some awards. He’s happily married to his high school sweetheart and they have three teen age children. Life is messy and complicated most of the time. You can follow him on Twitter for all sorts of inspirational thoughts and good laughs.