The following scenario probably resonates with any adult that has spent anytime working with children of almost any age.
A frustrated adult expressing that frustration to a young person over some unfathomable decision that was made despite attempts by the adult to communicate what was to be done.
And the young person responds, 'Oh, I thought you meant...'
The typical adult response (very often my response) is to throw your arms up in exasperation and hold the young person accountable for not understanding what you meant. I have been in education and coaching for almost 20 years. I also have three teenagers at home. This scenario is a regular occurrence, and I think it is a regular occurrence for many leaders in many scenarios.
And in many instances it is a reflection of my inability to communicate clearly. It is a leadership mirror that as I grow older, I look longer and longer into.
My father, an educational leader for 40+ years, has said for a very long time that the teacher has not taught until the student has learned. It's likely why my father is a master teacher (in my biased opinion). Follower understanding is largely leader responsibility.
When followers (of any age or in any industry) do not understand or have a misinterpretation of what the leader expected, IT IS A REFLECTION OF THE LEADER. I have three suggestions to help any leader make sure that what you mean and what followers thought you meant align...
First, communicate often before and during the process. If there is a one time communication and then the follower is left to their own devices to follow through on the process, the chances that there will be misunderstanding increases quite a bit. From a leader's perspective, communicating often with the people you are responsible to lead is like steering an 18-wheeler at 55 mph as opposed to pushing it from a dead stop. One allows for easy adjustments while the other is hard work that gets you nowhere closer to where you want to be. It is also imperative that a leader develop healthy relationships with followers so they feel comfortable asking questions and communicating back to the leader often during the process.
Second, confirm understanding. My college coach, Mike Show, use to end almost every instructional interaction with 'does that make sense?'. I lost track of that little technique for a while, but have begun to use it more often recently as an ending to emails and text messages. That simple question, 'does that make sense?', gives a person an opportunity to confirm that they understand. It also sends a subtle message that the leader is sincerely concerned with the success of the follower. Honestly, I love using this question because I think brings to life a lot of ESI (emotional social intelligence).
Third, make accountability for results clear before the interaction ends and before the process begins. This example is going to be a little edgy (some may not like the word I use, but stick with me); I think it unleashes a powerful dynamic when making sure that leader and follower are on the same page. I utilize a lot of teenagers in 'forward facing' responsibilities like operating scoreboards for athletic events. Bleachers full of parents, administrators, and guests to our campus will be fully aware if the student is fulfilling their job well. It will be all over a scoreboard, literally. Getting the score wrong, forgetting to stop the clock at the correct time, or not being attentive to the game officials requests will reflect poorly on our entire school brand. I will joke with a new student who is beginning to assist us, by saying, 'the most important thing is don't suck.' 100% of the time, the student laughs and then inevitably asks a question to clarify exactly what needs to be done. They also stay on their toes knowing that what they are doing is forward facing and if they, well, suck at it, it'll reflect poorly on a lot of people.
The next time someone yells back to you in frustration, 'I thought you meant...!', take a breath, and go look in the mirror. That is where the problem and solution will be.
A frustrated adult expressing that frustration to a young person over some unfathomable decision that was made despite attempts by the adult to communicate what was to be done.
And the young person responds, 'Oh, I thought you meant...'
The typical adult response (very often my response) is to throw your arms up in exasperation and hold the young person accountable for not understanding what you meant. I have been in education and coaching for almost 20 years. I also have three teenagers at home. This scenario is a regular occurrence, and I think it is a regular occurrence for many leaders in many scenarios.
And in many instances it is a reflection of my inability to communicate clearly. It is a leadership mirror that as I grow older, I look longer and longer into.
My father, an educational leader for 40+ years, has said for a very long time that the teacher has not taught until the student has learned. It's likely why my father is a master teacher (in my biased opinion). Follower understanding is largely leader responsibility.
When followers (of any age or in any industry) do not understand or have a misinterpretation of what the leader expected, IT IS A REFLECTION OF THE LEADER. I have three suggestions to help any leader make sure that what you mean and what followers thought you meant align...
First, communicate often before and during the process. If there is a one time communication and then the follower is left to their own devices to follow through on the process, the chances that there will be misunderstanding increases quite a bit. From a leader's perspective, communicating often with the people you are responsible to lead is like steering an 18-wheeler at 55 mph as opposed to pushing it from a dead stop. One allows for easy adjustments while the other is hard work that gets you nowhere closer to where you want to be. It is also imperative that a leader develop healthy relationships with followers so they feel comfortable asking questions and communicating back to the leader often during the process.
Second, confirm understanding. My college coach, Mike Show, use to end almost every instructional interaction with 'does that make sense?'. I lost track of that little technique for a while, but have begun to use it more often recently as an ending to emails and text messages. That simple question, 'does that make sense?', gives a person an opportunity to confirm that they understand. It also sends a subtle message that the leader is sincerely concerned with the success of the follower. Honestly, I love using this question because I think brings to life a lot of ESI (emotional social intelligence).
Third, make accountability for results clear before the interaction ends and before the process begins. This example is going to be a little edgy (some may not like the word I use, but stick with me); I think it unleashes a powerful dynamic when making sure that leader and follower are on the same page. I utilize a lot of teenagers in 'forward facing' responsibilities like operating scoreboards for athletic events. Bleachers full of parents, administrators, and guests to our campus will be fully aware if the student is fulfilling their job well. It will be all over a scoreboard, literally. Getting the score wrong, forgetting to stop the clock at the correct time, or not being attentive to the game officials requests will reflect poorly on our entire school brand. I will joke with a new student who is beginning to assist us, by saying, 'the most important thing is don't suck.' 100% of the time, the student laughs and then inevitably asks a question to clarify exactly what needs to be done. They also stay on their toes knowing that what they are doing is forward facing and if they, well, suck at it, it'll reflect poorly on a lot of people.
The next time someone yells back to you in frustration, 'I thought you meant...!', take a breath, and go look in the mirror. That is where the problem and solution will be.
‘Bite Down and Don’t Let Go’ is a collection of writings on
being intentional about life in a way that produces great persistence. Read
about it more here.
Dr. Chris Hobbs is an educational leader and Director
of Athletics at The King’s Academy in West Palm Beach, Florida. He’s earned a few
degrees and won some awards. He’s happily married to his high school
sweetheart and they have three teen age children. Life is messy and complicated
most of the time. You can follow him on Twitter
for all sorts of inspirational thoughts and good laughs.
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