*I wrote this post while leading a large, ambitious, successful athletic department through a year-long battle with the COVID pandemic. So much has happened since then, yet I believe that what I was feeling and what I shared is still helpful for all of the other challenges that leaders face. I hope this consoles and encourages leaders in the midst of their tired.
This post is for anyone that is leading during the pandemic. It is written from the perspective of an athletic director but I think the translation into other leadership positions is fairly obvious. I write it, not to whine and complain but so that it resonates with you because I'm sure you are feeling many of the same things. I have learned that if I am feeling a certain way, I'm sure many others are too.
Here we go...
I AM TIRED. Wow. I am so tired. The experience of leading during the pandemic has completely maxed out my bandwidth. The things I want to change are not changing. The things I want to stay the same are constantly changing. Trying to pivot people and programs to keep up with what is and is not changing has me feeling a 'day late and a dollar short' on everything. Here is what I'm really tired of...
Tired of being disappointed - I thought that this would be over. I thought this wouldn't be so bad. I thought people would be more gracious. I thought if we did it safely, we wouldn't have any issues. I thought, I thought, I thought. Every day is a stream of finding out that what I thought was is not what it actually was. I have never been so consistently disappointed at any time in my career.
Tired of disappointing others - I like to say 'yes'. When you are serving great people by leading them I think one of the most important things you can do is find as many 'yes's' for them as possible. Over the past few months I have said 'no' to more requests from my coaches, my student-athletes, and the parents of my student-athletes than any other time in my professional career combined. I like inspiring and encouraging people. I am tired of disappointing them even if it is for the safety of our athletic department and school.
Just plain tired - The first two 'tireds', coupled with intense thinking about things that we didn't use to have think so intensely about have me exhausted. The hours are long, complicated, and unpredictable. I feel like I have been bobbing and weaving in a boxing ring with Mike Tyson for 8 months. I'd almost welcome a left hook that would send me into a sweet state of unconscious for a while.
However, I am resolved to keep going. My mother use to say out loud to herself when she was completely exasperated by raising three sons, 'Linda, this is just a phase!' Leaders, the pandemic is just a phase. History is full of them and all sorts of other crisis. These crisis do resolve. Not everything will go back to normal, but many things will.
I am learning that I have to be on my guard when I am this tired. I did not know it when this all began and I've stumbled through all of the suggestions I am about to make. I am emerging confident in these four suggestions. Here's how I am learning to be on guard during my tired and I suggest the same to you.
Guard your spiritual health - I believe there is a Creator that created us out of love and wants a relationship with us. This relationship (or lack of) is the foundation to our lives. Our physical tired and our existence in a physical world can sometimes distract us from this foundational reality. Re-commit yourself to a quiet 15 minutes in the morning to think and pray, read the Bible, read a book from a trusted author on dealing with crisis, or journaling out your stress. It provides critical guidance and 'big picture' perspective that is necessary when dealing with such an intense time. When you are tired guard your quiet time so that your spiritual health can prop you up when you are physically tired.
Guard your physical health - The current crisis has made us lose sleep, skip meals, give up on exercise routines, and eat and drink lots of the wrong things. I have a habit of going to Burger King after a very long day. I am fully aware that a Whopper and onion rings is a questionable way of decompressing. Typically, this questionable ritual is only engaged in after a 15-hour day hosting a Friday night football game. It happens 4-5 times per year. During the crisis I am doing it almost weekly! My awareness to this terrible habit has reinforced my commitment to 'never miss' my morning workouts, drink an extra bottle of water, or hold off on an extra serving throughout the week. Are you aware of the physical impact of the crisis on you? When you are tired guard your physical health by re-committing to your daily walk, requiring yourself to sleep for 7-8 hours, eating more salad (and less Burger King!), or whatever other habit keeps you physically healthy.
Guard your relationship health - There are two categories of relationship that a leader must guard; their relationship with their followers and their relationship with loved ones. The pandemic is temporary (this is very important to keep reminding ourselves). The pandemic at times is bringing out the worst in all of us especially when we are tired. When we see the worst in people that we are leading, it places dangerous stress on those relationships. The pandemic crisis is also pulling us away from those that are most important to us. This happens every so often when we have to work a long weekend. The pandemic is not just a long weekend. It has been a 3-year crisis. We've celebrated anniversaries, birthdays, and graduations during the pandemic. Loved ones have passed away, children have been born. Time is marching on during the pandemic and if we get too absorbed in our tired, our most important relationships will erode. The pandemic is not just a long weekend of work, or even a long week. We have to recalibrate quickly and establish new ways of maintaining our most important relationships. Here's the point. Guard your relationships with the people you are responsible to, and do not allow a temporary situation (the pandemic) to permanently alter an important relationship.
Guard your gratefulness - I have really struggled with this one lately. I love schools, coaches, student-athletes, and competition. As an athletic director, this means I love my job. However, I have been exhausted by how many days I didn't want to go to work. At times, it has been miserable. This doesn't mean that I have to be miserable (though I have been). In order to keep separation between how miserable things are and being miserable you have to maintain a habit of being grateful. There are endless research studies on the energizing effects of expressing gratitude. Here are three suggestions on how to do that: 1) Journal, Facebook post, or tweet one thing a day that you are grateful for. 2) Send someone an email expressing your gratitude to them for something they have done recently. 3) Pull someone aside and tell them something you observed them doing that you really appreciated. It is important to note that these suggestions or other demonstrations of gratefulness do not require that you 'feel' grateful. The feeling of energizing gratitude will follow the demonstration of gratitude.
My college basketball coach used to often remind us that 'tired is not an excuse'. I am recommitting to do what is necessary to help me navigate the tired of leading during a pandemic so that I don't make excuses. Rather, I want to make the most of whatever the future holds. I think you do too!
Keep on, keepin’ on, friends!
*Bonus Content: Here are some resources to dig deeper on this topic - ‘The Emotionally Healthy Leader’ by Peter Scazzero, ‘Didn’t See It Coming’ by Carey Niewhof, and ‘Stolen Focus’ by Johann Hari
‘Bite Down and Don’t Let Go’ is a collection of writings on being intentional about life in a way that produces great persistence. Read about it more here.
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