I am going to share a story that will make some uncomfortable. It is a parenting story, and it will be impossible for me to describe all of the factors that went into our (my wife and I) decision making. You'll just have to trust me that based upon all of the available information we had at the moment, we made the right choice.
My son was 16 years old and had consistently demonstrated trustworthy grit and responsibility. I am very proud of the young man, student, and athlete that he is. He has a driver's license, works a job, competes intensely in athletics, and is a strong student. *I would say the same about his older and younger sisters. We have raised all three them with the mantra of 'Work hard, be Honest, be Unselfish, be Tough'. (be WHUT God wants you to be). So far so good.
My son's athletic career has evolved from a multi-sport youngster to a focused distance runner. He puts in tremendous amounts of work and study (*study is a sure sign that an athlete is immersing themselves in their craft) on his passion, and has demonstrated the commitment and race times necessary that he may run competitively for quite some time. There is something intensely satisfying about watching your children fully invest themselves into a worthwhile pursuit of their choosing. I am enjoying watching my son.
Here's the uncomfortable story. The great advantage of being a distance runner during the pandemic is that you could continue to train unimpeded. My son maintained his training piling up miles and miles. Every so often he mixes in bike riding to train the cardiorespiratory system while reducing impact on his legs. This was the case when he jumped onto his bike, rode 9 miles to a local park to train on a particular course. He had be gone for a while when my wife and I received a call from him.
'Ummm, I crashed my bike and I'm pretty scraped up...like my face is pretty scraped up. But I'm good. I can ride my bike home.'
I asked him some quick questions to get an idea of a potential issue with a concussion. He was good.
'Alright, pal. C'mon home.'
When he arrived back in our driveway, he was more than scraped up. He was gashed; his chin, his forehead, his knees, his chest, even his t-shirt was torn up. He was gashed to the tune of 9 stitches around his face. We had to go the local pharmacy to get a special ointment to deal with the gruesome road rash on his chest.
And he was smiling. Ear to ear.
If his mother and I knew how terrible he looked when he had called, we would have never let him ride his bike home. We would have gone to get him.
And we would have been in the way of his developing potential. Potential is developed by pushing up against challenging things. It is developed by struggling, striving, and straining against difficulty. It is developed by busting your face, getting on your bike, and pedaling home.
The biggest step any of use takes in finding new potential is somewhere between busting your face and getting on your bike, you have to reassure yourself that you are ok. You have to remind yourself that you can do this.
Let's get personal. 2020 busted us all in the face, and can I be honest? I think 2021 will start much the same way. I also think that 2020 at one point or another forced us back to our comfort zones in any way we could just to survive.
We can't stay in our comfort zones though. Nothing grows there. We have to be willing to set aside the momentary panic that is induced when we bust our face and find a way to get on our bikes and start pedaling. Once we start pedaling, it begins to get easier. Confidence grows, momentum takes over, new potential is discovered.
Just don't panic, don't hide away in your comfort zone. Your potential is waiting if you'll just get on your bike and start pedaling.
Here's how to make sure you don't get in the way of your own (or other's) developing potential when life busts your face.
Take a breath - Selective bias is a term that neuroscientists use to describe the brain's ability to focus to the exclusion of even the most obvious details. Selective bias is often used to describe a unfavorable situation when something very obvious was missed. Selective bias plays out at times in a 'potential-blocking' way. When we get our face busted in life, we focus on the discomfort and run away from an experience that might actually be important to our growth. The solution to selective bias? Slow down. Take a breath. Do not take action until you have done this. You may surprised how many situations you do not run away from when you do this.
Think about the big picture - One of my favorite reminders to student-athletes when I sense that they are getting bored with repetition is, 'the small work matters when you have a big vision.' I would say the same about 'busted face' experiences. Think about the big picture. Think about your goals. Think about what you want to be true about your life. You may be surprised to find out that moving forward rather than running away is the best course of action. After 42 years of life and 20 years as a professional educator, I am convinced that the biggest missed opportunities for people is when they don't take a moment to think about the big picture.
Surround yourself with people that say 'you can'. - My wife and I played this role, unknowingly, for our son. After our discussion on the phone, I told him he can pedal home. I told him, 'yes you can'. I think it was important for him to know that I thought he was fine and he could do it. We all need people in our lives that know us, love us, and will tell us to keep going. When life busts you in the face, surround yourself with people that say, 'you are alright', 'keep going', 'stay focused', and 'you can do this.'
Start pedaling - Winning. Achievement. Accomplishment. Overcoming. Outlasting. These are all reserved for those that take action. When life busts you in the face, keep taking action. Get on your bike, and keep pedaling. Another way to think about it is to just keep doing what you know to do. You know you should keep showing up on time. You know you should keep spending time with loved ones. You know you should keep working on that degree. You know you should keep working out. Too often we get disoriented when life busts us in the face and we stop pedaling; we stop doing what we know we should do.
Maybe I am over-thinking this experience as a parent and its influence on my son. Maybe you are not thinking enough about your own responses to tough situations and how they impact your pursuit of your own potential.
Maybe.
Keep on, keepin' on, friends!
‘Bite Down and Don’t Let Go’ is a collection of writings on being intentional about life in a way that produces great persistence. Read about it more here.
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