My wife is one of those gifted individuals that can see something in her mind and make her hands create it. She is a pro-grade carpenter, elite craftsperson, highly skilled designer, veteran plumber, residential landscaping expert, and an insanely good cook. I do not have the faintest hint of that skillset. We have a garage full of power tools that all belong to her. Over the past two decades of marriage, I have watched her tackle some unbelievable projects. Along the way, I have learned a lot of lessons assisting my wife in a wide variety of projects. Here's one...
The quality and specificity of tools has a very large bearing on the ability to successfully complete the job. There is an old saying that 'the tool is only as good as the hand that wields it.' There is truth in that statement, but I know highly skilled craftsmen that won't attempt a simple job if the correct tools are not available. Skilled craftsmen just know that the wrong tools will only produce frustration and poor results. The proper tools allow the craftsmen to be effective and even enjoy their work.
I find the correlation of this analogy to leadership very accurate. There are well-meaning people that would be far more effective at leading and influencing others if they simply put the right tools in their tool belt. One of the most underused tools is question-asking. Leaders, myself included, put too much stock in talking, sharing information, and making decisions. While these are functions of a leader at times, the skilled use of question-asking is a game changer. Marshall Goldsmith in his book, 'What Got You Here Won't Get you There' advocates for listening and gathering feedback, prompted by question asking. Goldsmith believes it is the skill that sets elite leaders apart from the rest. He dedicates two chapters in his book to it. 'The Coaching Habit' by Michael Bungay Stangier touts the skill of question asking as the key to great coaching.
In my own personal leadership efforts recently, I have tried to make question asking my most used tool.
Here are four questions that I believe every leader should put into their tool belt.
What can I do for you? - Research continues to validate the results of servant leadership to at least be part of your leadership framework if not the entirety of it. I have made a habit of either opening or ending conversations with the people I work with, with 'what can I do for you?' I may ask that question twenty times in a day and I may have someone take me up on that question once. However, what I have done with that question is clarify that I desire to help them. People want to follow leaders that want to help them.
Are you doing alright? - I am a New Jersey native so the question is actually, 'yuse good?' This expression of concern for well being is important. Is it cliche to ask if someone is doing alright? Yes. Should it still be asked? Also yes. The quality of relationship will correlate to the authenticity of the answer. If you are asking this question to someone you only have a surface level relationship with, the next question needs to be asked to enhance the influence...
And what else? A.W.E! Michael Stangier in the aforementioned 'The Coaching Habit' encourages readers to use this as the follow up question to almost any initial question. Authentic answers are dug up by a skilled leader with this question. In essence, a leader is saying, 'now that we have gotten past the formalities, what is really going on?' If you remember anything from this post, this is the question to remember. And. What. Else?
What do you mean by that? Thoughts and opinions on complicated matters often need to worked out. The more complicated the matter the more this is true. Asking people, 'what do you mean by that' gives them space to work some things out in their mind in real time. The benefit for both the talker and the listener is greater clarity can be gained on what is actually important to the individual.
If you were me, what would you do? This question is my personal favorite. I try to collect feedback about how I am doing, and I have to be very direct to get it. We live in the day and age of specialists and experts. Leaders must focus on uncovering the specialized expertise in the people around them. A leader must ask very direct questions to uncover a person's expertise. Subsequently, the leader must prepare themselves to listen to the answer to that question without judgement. A sure fire way to lose touch with your people is to act defensive when a follower shares authentically. 'A leader that doesn't listen to her people will eventually be surround by people that have nothing to say.' - Andy Stanley
I want as many tools in my leadership tool belt as I can have and I want to improve at using them. Question asking is my favorite new tool that I need to keep practicing with. Maybe you should too?
Keep on, keepin' on, friends.
‘Bite Down and Don’t Let Go’ is a collection of writings on being intentional about life in a way that produces great persistence. Read about it more here.
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