‘Iron sharpens iron’ is an often quoted line from the book of Proverbs in the Bible. The principle is that we should try to be around people that are good for us. They make us ‘sharper’ like what happens when an iron sword is sharpened by another piece of iron. My default perspective of that idea is to consider who I am spending time with. Truett Cathy, founder of Chick-fil-A, once said that 'who you will be in five years will be most influenced by the people you spend time with and the books you read.' Who are those people? Are they making me better? Do I respect the way they go about their business? Should I spend time with other people?
But
This post is about reversing the perspective and looking into the proverbial mirror. What about me? Am I iron for the people around me? Am I making others sharper? Jeff Henderson stoked this thought for me when I read his quip in his book, ‘Know What You're For’. ‘If our church closed down, would the community even notice?’ I would like to rephrase that question for us to reflect on. If I stopped showing up for the people in my life would they even notice? It’s an unnerving question and none of us should assume that we are good for the people around us; that is a sure way to avoid accountability to grow. I was on an administrative retreat recently with the executive leaders of the school where I work. My head of school led our team in an exercise that further prompted my thoughts on this. We went around the room and the seven leaders shared something that each member of the group does that makes the team stronger.
And then…you guessed it.
We went around the room and shared something that each person does that has the potential to hurt the team. A few members of the team lost all of the colors in their faces when they found out what we were about to partake in. In essence, we opened ourselves up to hearing that at times in certain ways we were not good for the people around us. Sobering. And you know what? I have thought about the list that I wrote down based on their feedback A LOT. I have caught myself slipping into one of the behaviors that they identified and it was an out-of-body experience. My internal voice said, ‘THERE! RIGHT THERE! That’s what they were talking about!’ Powerful.
Based upon my reflections on that experience and continued readings about growth and influence, here are five suggestions to know if you are good for the people around you.
Are you loving?
St. Thomas Aquinas defined love as willing the good of another. The Ancient Greek word ‘agape’ was a self-sacrificing love, the highest form of love. My father, a long-time high school basketball coach, said the key to being part of a great team was being unselfish. If you want to be good for the people around you, you must grow in your ability to will the good of another.
Are you joyful?
Returning to the wisdom of the book of Proverbs, it states, that a joyful heart is good medicine. Who is it good medicine for? Those who encounter the person who has a joyful heart. Those that are good for others recognize their ability to be a thermostat. They know that their actions and attitudes influence the temperature of the group. If you want to be good for the people around you, be good medicine for them by being joyful.
Are you peaceful?
There is an old coaching adage that you can’t rant and rave your team into being composed. A hockey coach once quipped you can’t help your team win from the penalty box implying that losing your cool undermines efforts to help the team. Kirby Smart, one of the few coaches to win back-to-back college football national championships, lists composure as one of his four pillars of a successful program. Peace, maintaining your cool, soothes the people around you and keeps them focused on what matters.
Are you growing?
I had coffee with a pastor recently, and he mused that leaders that have a voracious learning habit ‘pull everyone they come in contact with into a jet stream of knowledge’. That’s an awesome way to describe the impact that continued growth has on those who are around the one growing. Are you growing so intentionally that it has created a jet stream pulling others into it?
Are you grateful?
Gratitude is the one thing, that if you focus on it, will produce the other four previously mentioned behaviors. G.K. Chesterton said, ‘The critical thing is whether you take things for granted or take them with gratitude.’ Oprah Winfrey believes that gratitude is the key to helping you grow and that it, ‘brings joy and laughter into your life and the lives of those around you.’ Oprah understands that if you want to be good for the people around you, you have to be grateful.
Keep on, keepin’ on, friends!
Bite Down and Don’t Let Go is a collection of writings on relentlessly leading yourself and others well. Read about it more here.
Dr. Chris Hobbs is an educational leader with more than two decades of experience. He’s earned a few degrees and won some awards. He’s happily married to his high school sweetheart and they have three teenage children. Life is messy and complicated most of the time. You can follow him on Twitter for all sorts of inspirational thoughts and good laughs.
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