KNOCK IT AWF! 5 ways to avoid drama

I am a proud New Jersey native and I married my high school sweetheart, a true Jersey girl. We have known each other’s families for a long time. The following two things are universally true about our NJ-native status: a) a no-nonsense approach to most things b) yelling is our native tongue. My mother-in-law, a tough, no-nonsense New Jersey resident, is the prototype example of this. Anytime drama swirls or someone becomes whiny, you are sure to hear a blunt, ‘KNOCK IT AWF!’ from her. 

I find that we all have developed into drama queens to a certain degree. Think about how extreme our descriptions of many things is nowadays. Everything is ‘G.O.A.T.ed’ (Greatest of All Time). But if everything is the greatest of all time, is anything the greatest of all time. Chris Martin in his book, ‘The Wolf in Their Pockets’ describes one of the negative effects of social media is training us to prefer ‘sensationalism over truth.’ 

Liz Wiseman in her NY Times best seller, Impact Players, describes the most valuable team members as those that ‘refusing to criticize chaos’, ‘absorbing ambiguity’, and ‘making work light’. In essence, being a valuable team player is correlated to avoiding drama. So here are a few ways to be Mr. / Mrs. No Drama for your teams: 

No blaming: John Wooden said, ‘You are not a failure until you start blaming others.’ Coach Wooden won 10 national basketball championships in 12 years, BUT the first championship did not happen until his 18th year as a head coach. He was highly regarded for accepting full responsibility for the results and that laid the foundation for some incredible results. 

No complaining: The difference between immaturity and maturity is the same distance between complaining and changing. Read that again. 

No hoarding: Having a tight fist on resources, and information inevitably leads to siloing. And drama festers in silos. Keep an open hand at all times, prioritizing what is best for others and the institution. 

No seeking praise: It feels great to be credited for a well-done job. However, seeking out praise comes from a heart that believes it deserves praise. The moment you begin to behave as if you deserve something is the moment you begin to produce drama. 

No believing the worst: Fundamental Attribution Theory is the psychological tendency to assign the best of intentions to our actions and the worst of intentions to the behavior of others. Be very careful believing the worst about people. It has been said that it means we are inferring to someone else what we would do if we were in their shoes. 

A couple of these no drama suggestions were hard to share because they were a little too close to home. Join me in taking a long look in the mirror and telling yourself, ‘knock it awf!’ 

‘Bite Down and Don’t Let Go’ is a collection of writings on relentlessly leading yourself and others well. Read about it more here.

Dr. Chris Hobbs is an educational leader with more than two decades of experience. He’s earned a few degrees and won some awards. He’s happily married to his high school sweetheart and they have three teen age children. Life is messy and complicated most of the time. You can follow him on Twitter for inspirational thoughts and good laughs.