UNCHANGED: Staying the same to transform others

My father was my principal from 6th grade through 12th grade. Usually, that elicits sympathetic groans from teenage me when people find this out. As a teenager, I had frustrations with my father being in my school hallways every day, but it was a great way to grow up, mainly because my father was and is a great man. And as the mother of NBA great Allen Iverson said, 'Every young man needs an old man.' 

Here is a case in point: 

I got in small amounts of trouble often throughout my middle school years. Tardies, detentions, and disciplinary writing assignments were a regular occurrence. My father's role at school made him the disciplinarian in many instances. It was frustrating for teenage me. However, what put me over the edge was my father had the same philosophy on discipline and character building at home as he did at school. I could never escape my principal father. He gave the same speech, the same opinion, even the same tone of voice. And home and school. Once, in a rage at home, I screamed out, 'You're the same at home and school!' I thought this would insult my dad, that he acted like a principal at home. My father's response rained on my temper-tantrum parade: 

'Thank you, son. I believe that's a compliment.' And he walked away. 

I love my father. I'm proud to be his son. We have a tremendous relationship. He has had a transformative effect on my life because the most important things about him have never changed. 

'Influencing others for their good means being the same person in every setting, every relationship, and every task.' - Tod Bolsinger in Canoeing the Mountains

Social scientists have studied transformational influence from a wide variety of angles. Some of the more technical domains of transformational influence are 1) idealized influence, 2) inspirational motivation, 3) intellectual stimulation, and 4) individual consideration. Do you know what is one of the easiest ways to have a transformational influence on others? Not changing.

Here are three things that should remain unchanged so you can influence those around you. 

CHARACTER - Ancient Greek teachers often used etching a stone as a visual for moral character. It is hard to engrave and even harder to remove. Ronald Reagan's speechwriter, Peggy Noonan, said, 'In a president, character is everything. He doesn't have to be clever or a policy wiz. Those things can be brought in from the outside. He does have to be courageous and have a sense of decency. You can't rent out strong morals. Those things come from the inside.' If you want to transform others positively, you need to have a character that is as solid as a rock. And you need to have it all the time. 

CARE - New York Times best-selling author Jon Gordon says, 'You can't change something until you find a way to love it.' St. Thomas Aquinas called love, 'to will the good for another.' Are you known as a person who cares about those around you? Most of us would measure our care for others as our willingness to drop what we're doing to respond to the needs of a colleague. But here is how to go to the next level of care for others. Anticipate what they need and meet their needs before they ask. Care for others well and care for them all the time. 

CONSTANCY - Constancy is the quality of being enduring, unchanging, faithful, and dependable. Theologian Walter Brueggeman touts constancy as the commitment to stay no matter what. 'Constancy acknowledges pain and embraces the risky possibility of love, justice, and righteousness in the hope of a future in which our pain might become joy through the mysterious transforming power of our heavenly father. Or maybe more simply put by my principal father - 'consistency is badly underrated.' 

Dallas Willard said, 'You were built to count, as water is made to run downhill. We are placed in a specific context to count in ways no one else does.' The most effective way to count, to transform others, is to remain the same in some very important ways. 

Bite Down and Don’t Let Go is a collection of writings on relentlessly leading yourself and others well. Read about it more here. You can listen to the Bite Down and Don't Let Go podcast here! 

Dr. Chris Hobbs is an educational leader with more than two decades of experience. He’s earned a few degrees and won some awards. He’s happily married to his high school sweetheart, and they have three children. Life is messy and complicated most of the time. You can follow him on Twitter for inspirational thoughts and good laughs.